Premiering Monday, March 27th

Catch All The Laughs

Back to Articles

15 bygone breakfast items you will never have again

Image: Jon Anderson / emeraldtoys / Flickr

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as our parents and Saturday morning commercials would always tell us. So you have to eat something hearty and healthy. Like a bunch of bacon and danishes stuffed in your toaster.

At least, that's what was on offer in the 1970s. Back in the day, all sorts of food could be popped into your toaster, from pastries to pork.

We have previously looked at all kinds of bygone breakfast cereals. Now let's dig up some other beloved grocery items you will (probably) never have again. Which was your favorite?


Danish Go-Rounds

Even if you never had one, it's hard not to feel nostalgia for this delicious toaster treat. Kellogg's boldly declared Danish Go-Rounds to be a "new kind of toaster pastry." You could cut out stamps and send away for H.R. Pufnstuf puppets, too, back when these babies appeared circa 1970.

Image: Greg Koenig / Flickr



As you can see, the toaster danish market was once robust. Today, it's nothing but Tarts. We have minor gripe with this Toast'em product, however. The Danish say "Tak," while Germans say "Danke." But we have to admit, "Danka" sounds better on a box than "Tak."

Image: poptartsbox / Flickr


Cherry Danish Rings

Kellogg's found the middle ground between its Danish Go-Rounds and Pop Tarts with these fruit-filled goodies.

Image: Jason Liebig / Flickr, courtesy of


General Mills Breakfast Squares

General Mills offered these "moist and tasty" bars in Cinnamon, Vanilla an Chocolate. If you crammed them all in your mouth at once, it probably tasted like a Mexican chocolate. Oh, we'd love to try that right now.

Image: poptartsbox / Flickr


Quaker Muffets

These giant, cylindrical shredded wheat cakes were once sold in America in the mid-century. Quaker's advertisment proclaimed they were "tender as a mother's love." Because "tender" sounds better than "soggy." However, we tend to prefer our cereals in tiny pieces. Muffets grew quite popular up in Canada, but have become harder to find.

Image: Pinterest



“Move over, bacon, there’s something leaner!” Or so the commercials proclaimed. However, this "healthy" alternate was still 37% fat. So, yes, it tasted good. Only that "Lean" part of the name was misleading. Not the "Sizz" part, however.

Image: YouTube



Food science! The brains behind Reddi-wip canned dessert topping tried their hand at breakfast in the 1970s. (Which is not to say you can't eat whipped cream for breakfast.) You popped the foil-wrapped bacon strips in your toaster for salty pork goodness. However, the packets leaked hot grease, which could burn your hand and ruin your toaster. So, yeah, stick with the pan or microwave.

Image: History's Dumpster


Howard Johnson's Toastees

HoJo's was once the largest restaurant chain in America, serving up 28 flavors of ice cream under its steep sherbet-orange roofs. Of course, they had food for every meal, too. Few items were more popular than its Toastees, which came in both plain corn and blueberry varieties. HoJo's sold them in grocery stores, too.

Image: sa_steve / Flickr


Start Orange Drink

General Foods created this alternative to Tang, which purported to taste like "freshly squeezed oranges." Can anyone attest to that?

Image: poptartsbox / Flickr


Grapefruit Tang

Yes, the almighty astronaut drink once came in a more sophisticated grapefruit variety, for those who wanted a tangier Tang. We're not sure if NASA ever stocked it, however.

Image: triplecorevintage / Pinterest


Hostess Breakfast Bake Shop Crumb Cakes

There is no shortage of various coffee cakes in vending machines around the country. However, we specifically miss dunking these Hostess cakes, especially if we could get a Nolan Ryan Angels card with a box.

Image: kerrytoonz / Flickr


Sooper Kookies

Sure, this chocolate-stuffed Nabisco toaster pastry may not seem like a healthy breakfast, but is it really any different than Cookie Crisp cereal or those new Jolly Rancher Pop Tarts?

Image: traci*s retro / Flickr



Downyflake's toaster waffled featured an "exclusive artificial butter-flavored spread" which melted to form a "buttery puddle in every square." A couple things about that "buttery puddle." One, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of gross. Two, wouldn't that all just drip into your toaster if it's vertical?

Image: Click Americana


Pac-Man Children's Chewable Multi-Vitamins

Breakfast is not complete for some without a multi-vitamin. Pac-Man gunned for the Flintstones in the 1980s with his rival "power pellets."

Image: atariage


McDonald's Razors

Finally, we end on something inedible but too bizarre to omit. Typically, fast food chains want to keep the word "razor" out of the mind of its customers. Yet, in 1978, McDonald's offered a free Gilette Good News disposable twin-blade razor, free with the purchase of any breakfast item. So you could presumably shave in the restroom before work? The fine print of the commercial did note, "Minors must be accompanied by an adult." Watch the ad.

Image: McDonald's / YouTube


18 cereals from the 1980s you will never eat again

Video game characters gave Snap, Crackle and Pop a run for their money. READ MORE

Contact | About | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Advertise | Distribution | Do Not Sell My Information - CA Residents